Tuesday, July 21, 2015

A Fat Girl's Guide To Self-Confidence In A Society That Profits Off Of Our Insecurities

Finding self-confidence and a style identity as a fat babe in a world that's constantly labeling us as 'before' pictures can seem to be a near-impossible task. We live in a society that generally glorifies thin body types as perfection, while labeling plus sizers as people who need to be "fixed". I don't have a thigh gap; in fact, mine are full of cellulite. My hips are wide, my booty is enormous, I have a belly, my arms are big and I weigh a solid 300lbs, yet people stop me on the street constantly to compliment me on my style. This is how I found the courage to come out from underneath baggy, shapeless clothes and embrace my curves, "flaws" and all.

Step 1: Stop Bullying Yourself

I'd often catch myself looking at my body and thinking that it was ugly, or gross, or too big/too celluiltey/too stretch mark'd. I realized that I was constantly bashing my body; that I was bullying it and making myself feel worse. To remedy this, I decided to stop allowing myself to use negative words when thinking about my body. Whenever I did slip up and have those thoughts, I'd make myself go back and compliment myself instead. My inner dialogue went something like, "Ugh nothing fits me right, I feel so ugly.. but my butt looks really good in these jeans, and I have such a nice smile." It felt silly at first, but when I kept it up I saw that it was really starting to improve my outlook not only on my body, but on life in general.

Step 2: Realize Your Worth

It's so easy to get caught up on body image; our society teaches us that it's tightly connected to our self-worth, which just isn't true. Part of gaining the self-confidence to rock the edgy fashion trends I want to (sheer! crop tops! short shorts!) was realizing that I have so much more to offer the world than my appearance. I wrote a list of all the things at which I'm excellent and kept it taped to my mirror, so that every morning, I'd be reminded that I have value as a person, and an identity beyond the word "fat".

Step 3: "Fat" Is Not A Bad Word

All my life, people have hurled weight-related insults at me. I've been called a whale, a pig, tubby, a chubbers, fat; every time someone called me one of those, it stung me deeply and left me feeling insecure for days. Realizing that "fat" isn't synonymous with "ugly" was a big game-changer for me. I AM fat. So what? "Fat" and "beautiful" aren't mutually-exclusive adjectives; I can be both. When I feel down, I scroll through body-positive hashtags on Tumblr and Instagram. Seeing all those photos and posts of fat babes absolutely killing it always reminds me that being fat doesn't automatically equate to being unattractive.

Step 4: You Don't Owe Anyone "Flattering"

I unapologetically rock crop tops and sheer blouses with nothing but a bra underneath. I go sleeveless, I wear short shorts.. I participate in whatever fashion trends I feel like participating in, because no one owes anyone "flattering"; being yourself is enough, without body shapers, without long-sleeves and pants, without covering up and hiding your body to make other people more comfortable. YOU have to be happy with YOURSELF and not live for other people. I used to wear baggy sweaters in 90 degree weather because I didn't want people to see my fat arms, my rolls, my chub. Now, my comfort and happiness is my #1 priority- I no longer care what people think about my cellulite, fat, etc., and that's such a powerful, liberating feeling. My mantra is: If people don't like the way I look, they don't have to look at me. Some people won't like the way you look. You're going to have haters; that's just part of life. universal popularity is unattainable, so instead of trying for it, you'd might as well make yourself happy.

Step 5: Go For It!

Body acceptance/love is a process that takes time and work, but when you're feeling up to it, I dare you to try out new trends that go out of your comfort zone. The first time I went out in public in a sleeveless dress, I was terrified and insecure. The second time wasn't as bad, and now I don't even think twice about it. When you go out of your fashion comfort zone and the world doesn't end, you'll feel unstoppable!

Self-confidence doesn't always come easily, but cutting out negative self-talk, taking stock of your true value, realiziing that "fat" isn't an insult or synonymous with "ugly", and forcing myself to step out of my fatshion comfort zone helped me to be able to love myself for who I am, stretch marks and all. Because we live in a society that glorifies skinny regardless of health, people will always try to make fat people feel badly about themselves, perhaps even more so if they have the *audacity* to be both fat AND happy. Being confident and secure in yourself makes it easier to let negative comments roll off, as the fabulous Jinkx Monsoon would say, like water off a duck's back. So, get out there, be large and become your own brand of fatshionista! There's no better feeling than the self-confidence that comes with unapologically rocking your curves and knowing you're hot as hell.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Self-Hate Is So Much More Harmful Than Being A Fat Babe Is



Eff everyone who's ever tried to get me to hate my body. Self-hate is so much more harmful than being a fat babe is. I know what it's like to despise your body, and that kind of negativity creeps out into all aspects of your life. It's terrible.

I spent so long hating my body, trying to starve myself to lose weight, working out without eating until I’d pass out and just doing all kinds of unhealthy things. I’m over it. I eat a healthy vegetarian diet, I get enough exercise, I don’t pollute my body with smoking, drugs or excessive alcohol, and I’m goddamn proud of myself for morphing into the body-positive fat girl I am today.

There's such a powerful liberation that comes with accepting yourself just as you are- perceived flaws and all. I say "perceived" because the concept of a flaw is completely arbitrary; for example, there are things that my friends dislike about themselves that I adore them for, etc. There's a powerful beauty that comes from body positivity and loving yourself as-is, without any qualifiers tacked on at the end.


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Fat Babe In A Crop Top/Eff You, Oprah Magazine

The above image popped up in my IG newsfeed this morning, and I was instantly infuriated. It's a section from Oprah Magazine telling people they can only pull off crop tops if they're thin. You'd think that Oprah's magazine of all zines would know better than to offer bullshit body-shaming advice like this, being that Oprah herself is plus size, but apparently not.

Instead of telling women what they can and can't wear based on their body types, a more productive, read-worthy magazine would choose to empower women to wear whatever makes them feel confident and beautiful. I love crop tops and will wear them whether or not society or some idiotic editorial in a magazine disapproves. I have the right to feel beautiful, and I don't owe anyone 'flattering'.

Crop tops can look good on everyone. Style isn't size-exclusive, and if I feel like baring my tummy in the name of fatshion, I will! In fact, I think I'll wear a crop top for the rest of the week, because eff Oprah's magazine and every other publication or person who tries to body-shame people into adhering to a ridiculous set of size-exclusive fashion "rules".


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

What The Body Positive Movement Has Done For Me

I spent too many years of my life hating my thick thighs, my cellulite, my fat arms and double chin. I spent too many nights debating plastic surgery, too many days starving myself and then working out to the point where I’d pass out to try to force my body into becoming something it doesn’t want to be. There were days when I didn't want to get out of bed and face the day because I was ashamed of the way I looked. I used to wear baggy, shapeless clothes to try to hide my body- I didn't think I was capable of being fashionable.

The Body Positive Movement has helped me so much. Whenever I'm down on myself, I surf through body positive hashtags like #effyourbeautystandards, and seeing all those pictures of fat babes absolutely killing it makes me feel like I should get out there and rock my curves, too. I now love my little double chin, my big thighs, my fat body. I wear form-fitting clothes and participate in trends freely, without feeling self-conscious about my body. I also don't indulge in negative self-talk anymore, which has contributed greatly to my improved outlook. I just feel so much better having accepted myself as I am. People who haven’t seen me in a while ask if I’ve lost weight and say I look great- I tell them that, no, I have not lost weight; I’ve gained confidence and self-love, which is more than any diet or could do for me.

T-shirt: custom

Skirt: Torrid, size 2

Belt: Skinny sparkle belt: Torrid, size 1/2